~ so what is it ? ~
                                                      ( author unknown )

Submission is the act of surrendering some or all of ones personal power to another person. It's allowing someone else to control your body and behavior within certain preset limits. This must be a willing act on the part of the submissive or the boundaries of abuse have been crossed. The methods and levels of submission are infinite. Each person must decide how much and how far this exchange of power will go but the rules of "safe, sane and consensual" must always apply.

Submission is not a sign of weakness or inferiority. Some of the strongest, most successful people in our society are submissive in their personal relationships. 

Submission does not indicate lack of intelligence or motivation. Most submissives are very  intelligent, creative and are highly motivated people

Submission is not a hidden desire for pain or humiliation. Some masochistic people may turn to the D/s or BDSM lifestyle in order to fulfill their needs for these things but there are many more gentle, loving individuals who are quite happy not to receive either humiliation or pain. 

Submission is not the same as passivity. Submissives are not passive. They participate actively and are thinking individuals. 

Submission is not something that can be demanded or forced. The definition of the word means it is a willing act. A submissive submits because they have chosen to do so, not because someone forced them. 

Submission is not a miserable state of existence. Most submissives are happy, well balanced people who are simply fulfilling their nature. 

Submission is not slavery. All slaves are submissive but not all submissives are slaves. A submissive has not given up their right to choose but has given some of those choices to another to make for them. They have input into their relationship and maintain their identity. 

Submission does not indicate sexual promiscuity. Submissives are not sex crazed nymphomaniacs who cannot control their drives. Most are husbands or wives, mothers or fathers, friends, neighbors, workers, or family members who have a need to relinquish control of some aspects of their lives to someone they trust. It isn't a sex thing...it's a condition of the heart. 

Far too many people have formed their ideas about submission and submissives from such books as "Story of O" by Pauline Réage, "The Beauty Trilogy" by Ann Rice, or the Gorean novels by John Norman. While these books may be interesting works and very erotic to many, they are not a true picture of what the D/s lifestyle is about. While many may have experienced the first stirrings of submissive feeling while reading these books, fantasies such as "O" or "Beauty" don't work well as a lifestyle. D/s is far more than a fantasy. It's a way of life where many find fulfillment and peace for the first time in their lives.

   ~ charactoristics of a submissive ~
                                                   ( author unknown )
1. Honesty. This is very important to me. Without honesty, there can be no trust. Without trust D/s is nothing. On a safety note, be truthful in your desires, experience, fears and limits. I have seen many submissives tell "little" lies thinking it will make them more desirable. It usually ends up getting them hurt. If you have questions about what your Dom/me desires or expects, be honest and speak up. There is nothing wrong with asking questions respectfully, and is much preferable to looking ignorant. Remember, all Dom/mes are different. Don't assume because one wants you to wear stockings that another will enjoy them. Ask what he expects you to wear, how he expects you to act, what he prefers to be called, etc. 

2. Submissiveness. While I enjoy the occasional SAM, I prefer my subs to submit. I want them to surrender their will to me. I like them to be polite, compliant, and to show me the respect I have earned. There is nothing that turns me off faster than a submissive trying to top from the bottom, or manipulate the scene. A polite, respectful "Mistress, if it pleases you, I would enjoy being spanked." is going to make that happen much sooner than intentional misbehavior. 

3. Intelligence. Make intelligent choices about who you submit to, and how deep your submission goes. If it is a relationship situation, get to know the person as a friend before you consider submitting. If it is scene-play, get references and follow safety rules, watch them Top others, or play in the presence of people who can watch out for you. Out of role, intelligence goes a long way. Think, and share those thoughts with your Dom/me. Take time to find out what he is interested in, and get to know more on the subject. Keep up on current events and trends and be able to discuss them. Perhaps take up some of the same hobbies as your Dom/me. These are good relationship skills...be it vanilla or D/s. 

4. Service. Find out what makes your Dom/me happy, and do your best to provide. It is your job to make your Dominant happy. If you will be serving him food, find out what he likes to eat, and how he likes it served. Find out what his turn-on and turn-offs are. If it is your responsibility to set things up for the scene, find out what he requires, and have everything handy. Don't be sloppy in your service, and don't make your Top have to tell you a preference more than once. If I have to tell a sub two times that I like my coffee with cream and sugar, it gives me the impression that she is not thinking, or just doesn't care. This is not at all pleasing. Put some thought and creativity into your service. Listen when he tells you his fantasies and dreams, and try to fulfill his desires. Be observant. If you have the chance, study his surroundings for clues on the type of things he enjoys. Does he have candles sitting out? Make sure you have some at your place, too. What kind of toiletries does he use? Buy them and have them ready for him when he visits. What does he like to drink? Make sure you keep it on hand.

5. Communication. Contrary to what some believe, Dominants are not psychics. It is frustrating to have to try and figure out everything that pushes your sub's buttons. I would much rather have my sub tell me her fantasies so I can store the info to use when I choose, than have to guess. I don't like to play with subs that constantly say "Whatever pleases you, Mistress". If she is not enjoying it, chances are I won't be enjoying it, either. Admittedly, I am occasionally selfish, and enjoy only what I want, but not 100% of the time. 

6. Self Respect. Value yourself. There is no thrill in dominating a doormat, or someone that thinks so little of themselves they will submit to anyone at anytime. 

7. Patience. I have often been told that patience is the mark of a good submissive. I have also been told that this is something I need to work on. I guess I will have to get back to you on this one. I do know that the best things are worth waiting for, and pushy, demanding submissives are really not submissives at all. So, patience is something I am slowly learning. Perhaps someone could help me out with this?