Gorean vs BDSM

 

an article by Jarl {a Gorean Master}

The prejudice against those who practice BDSM by Goreans, and vice versa. This prejudice seems to be based on very little - or, perhaps more accurately, certain individual cases which best illustrate the flaws of each. 

Let me give an example, as is commonly done when this is discussed. 

We Goreans take a BDSM couple, calling him the Dom and her the sub, (until they switch of course), and explain to one another how the Dom will dominate only if the sub allows. The Dom may spank the subby, for example, providing she likes it. He's not allowed to hurt her unless she wants him to. When he says "kiss my feet", he's got to remember that she is a person that needs and deserves respect, so as not to carelessly belittle or demean her. If she assents to kiss his feet, it's very nice of her and he must be very grateful for her gift of submission. She feels that much better for being prized and cherished. Female humiliation must be respectful. Sadism must be kind and thoughtful. Safe-words are paramount; "only if you want to" is the name of the game. 

At the same time, the BDSMers laugh about Goreans - after all, it's based on sci-fi/sci-fantasy books, and poorly written scifi books at that. R/l Goreans? Yeah sure...they ride Tarns to work or something? The kajirae are mad...how can they even have fun? The Masters are far too strict, they don't even allow kajirae to talk in channel without permission. They're at risk of losing their sense of identity and they're personal safety is likewise at risk - no safewords is just irresponsible. And let's take issue with the jewelled cup bearing master's initials...always being just within tippytoe reach of the pert little subbie who has to expose her bum cheeks each time...it's like the books - lots of style, no substance, very light and silly. Its a fantasy that would be to impossible to live in the real world ..its for fantasy riders only, and the subs are all doormats. BDSM is about action and reaction...Gor is about action and robotic obedience. Gor is for horny teenagers...don't they grow out of that stuff? 

These are the views commonly accepted. We hate them, they hate us. They're playing games, we're playing games. Everyone's playing games, no one is serious. 

C'mon, folks, let's wake up and be adults about this. Let's hypothesise, just for a moment, that some BDSM people actually, just like us, take what they do seriously. Perhaps there's a lot more to the fulfilment of sexual fantasies than we give credit for. Perhaps BDSMers regard their lifestyle (and yes, it is a lifestyle) as more than mere sexual fulfilment. Issues of trust and love make it far deeper. That's the goal of the BDSM relationship - to develop a deep sense of trust, and to get the total submission from who you are with. Or, in terms of the subbie, to give total control to that whom you are with. In many BDSM relationships, total trust is given and much love is shared. And too, each person is different in what they enjoy, and at what level they choose to commit and submit. 

I wonder how many of you are sitting reading this and thinking "it's the same for me". So perhaps we have only the one level of submission - total submission. But the rest is the same. 

We can take the BDSMers who play at this, who flog every Tuesday night and don't understand concepts of trust and responsibility. And they can take the Goreans who play at this, who drink paga every Tuesday night and have sword fights and don't understand the concepts of trusts and responsibility. Who are we to call them Gamers, when our world is based on fiction? 

They do not understand Gor in the way we do. They do not understand that, in fact, it is not based on Tarns and jewelled serving cups but on philosophies that Men will devote their lives too. Perhaps, in the same way, we do not fully understand what they desire in their lives, and what they get from BDSM. 

On a simpler level, the similarities between Gor and BDSM are obvious. Both contain Master/slave relationships. Both contain 24/7 relationships. Both contain discipline, trust, obedience, domination, power, responsibility, and sexuality. Many of us who are now Gorean once started out in BDSM, but did not find it suited our needs. Many in the world of BDSM have also tried Gor, and likewise found it lacking. Perhaps they never came to the right channels ;). 

Bondage and domination are key parts of Gorean culture; but the prejudices we nurture for those who are independently doing what they wish to do, albeit differently to us, are not. 

Gor, while being completely separate to BDSM, the focus being primarily on men, comradeship and philosophies, can, nevertheless, completely encompass the world of BDSM inside. 

I wish you well. 
Jarl