PART 1:  PROTOCOL

PROTOCOL:   a code prescribing strict adherence to correct etiquette and precedence (as in diplomatic exchange and in the military services) ~ Merriam-Webster dictionary.

Most of us understand the use of proper manners, and usually believe the term etiquette is reserved for a level of manners above the normal standard.  Protocol, then, is the next level up.  It is not a matter of just being polite, but of being polite in the correct form.

The problem within the D/s community is that, unlike the military or diplomatic services, who is superior to whom is not always clear, and most protocols require that the most formal levels of respect be given to the most superior on down.   Once such hierarchies are established, the use of protocols actually serve to enhance the D/s experience and commitment to the lifestyle.    The reason for this is that we all typically use everyday good manners or are at least aware of them.  Most of us have no real difficulty in stepping up to a more formal situation and using the correct etiquette for the day.  But when we are actually in our D/s roles, the use of Protocol sets our lives apart.  What we are doing is different, more intense, more meaningful than our every day lives.  
From the submissive point of view, requiring the use of Protocol also enhances the awareness of submission.  A submissive/slave/bottom will always be on the low side of the equation in an exchange with anyone except another submissive.  The need to be constantly aware of proper behavior, as well as the fact that improper behavior reflects badly not only on the submissive, but her dominant as well, helps to focus the submissive upon the fact of her submission in an ongoing basis.

Part of the key, however is that the submissive must accept the use of Protocol as normal and natural.  A submissive should strive to accept the prescribed patterns of submissive behavior, however unconventional, as "normal" for a submissive and to follow the protocol and other orders in such a way that her actions and speech both feel and look "natural". There is no humiliation or shame in obedience, and a submissive should feel none when she is doing as ordered.

Because Protocol is in essence the rules of behavior in social settings, what follows is a list of commonly described guidelines for the behavior of the submissive.

First:  A short guide to introductions:

Always mention the name of the higher ranked person first, then introduce the lower ranked person to the higher. A younger person is typically introduced to an older person.

With two people of the same rank, and prominence, it doesn’t matter which you introduce to the other.   Exception, if you are speaking with a person, and a third one approaches of the same rank as your companion, your companion is given precedence.  Your Master ALWAYS  has highest precedence when you are performing the introductions.


PRESENTING: Making ones presence known formally.

Whenever a submissive enters her Master’s presence, the submissive comes up to the Master, or within His line of sight, and presents herself as soon as practical.  The submissive brings herself within the Master’s awareness, without disturbing whatever the Master is doing at the time, and waits for acknowledgement. If the Master enters a space where the submissive is engaged, by Presenting, she shows that whatever she was doing, she is prepared to stop doing it follow whatever direction the Master wishes to give her.

The Presenting positions express the strength of the submissive and the power of her obedience. Normally all are held without moving until the submissive is freed to move again by an order from the Master to whom she is Presenting. 

While Presenting, the submissive should  pause to feel the presence of her submission. It is important for the submissive to take the needed time for this, especially the first time daily - to feel the strength and dedication of her submissive state, to let the rush and static of the outside world subside, and to find the peace of her submission  before addressing her Master.
Positions. 

Full Present 1: the submissive kneels upright (not sitting back on her heels), with the knees spread shoulder wide, arms locked behind her back, each hand clasping the opposite forearm (or wrist if the forearm is not possible for physical reasons); the chest is held forward, and the head is bowed with eyes down.  

Full Present 2:  the submissive kneels, leaning forward, hands laced together on floor above head, forehead placed upon floor, buttocks high in the air.

Standing Present 1: the same as Full Present 1, above except that the submissive is standing instead of kneeling, still with her knees shoulder wide.  

Standing Present 2:  Same as Standing Present 1, except hands are laced together behind the head.

Public Present:  The same as a Standing 1 except that the hands are left open and crossed behind the back above the ass, and legs are not spread.   

Honor Present (either Full or Standing): the Full position is the same as a standard Full Present 1 except that only the right knee is on the ground and the left leg is bent. The submissive makes her greeting statement then stands (without command). 

The default form:  Full Present  (kneeling on both knees) is the default form and is normally used whenever the Master being presented to is sitting or lying down.  A Public present is used anywhere in public where kneeling or the more formal Standing Present might draw undesirable attention. An Honor Present is used to greet a Master, in public or private, who either does not follow or is unfamiliar with this protocol.

Presenting Verbally. After the submissive has felt the presence of her submission, and has received the attention of the Master, as indicated by a word, look, or gesture, the submissive Verbally Presents herself by greeting her Master in an appropriate manner, or by making  some other statement determined by her Master that indicates she is acknowledging his dominance.  (ex:  Your submissive greets you Sir).

Acknowledgement.   The submissive normally remains motionless in the Presenting position until she is either told to "continue" or given some other order which acknowledges her. When told to "continue," if the submissive was in the process of fulfilling some other order before Presenting, she returns to that activity.  Otherwise, she assumes a waiting position near her Master.

Exceptions. If the Master is busy and moving around the room when the submissive enters the space and takes the Full or Standing Present position, and the submissive is not quickly acknowledged, the submissive may move her eyes while waiting to finish Presenting in order to follow the Master’s location in the room and not miss a hand signal or other gesture to approach. If in the Standing position, she may even change her own location in the room to avoid losing track of the Master. Typically, however, the Master will quickly notice the submissive and tell her to "sit," "stay," or "continue." If told to "stay," the submissive remains where she is and maintains the presenting position until given another order. 

Honor Presenting

As noted above, when a submissive is required to Present to a Master who is unfamiliar with this protocol, the kneeling position is the same except that only the right knee is on the ground and the left leg is bent;  the standing Present position is identical. The verbal form is significantly different: If the submissive is in service to a Master, she says, "Sir, my Master honors You, Sir." If the submissive is not currently in service, she says, "Sir, this submissive honors You, Sir." She then stands up or continues normal body posture. This form of presenting is done to a period of embarrassment for a Master who would not know to tell a submissive to continue.

Presenting in Public

A submissive responds to a Master’s presence in public the same as in private, but to accommodate the public’s acceptance and understanding, a submissive would normally offer a Public Present.  The same position is used in public whenever the submissive must stand by and wait while the Master is otherwise engaged. In this and all other respects, a submissive’s behavior in public must engender respect for submissiveness and for the Master she serves. 

Presenting in a restaurant: 

A submissive stands at the end of the booth or side of the table in the Public Present position until the Master tells her to sit by word or gesture. The submissive discreetly says, “Thank You, Sir!" and takes her seat. When the Master stands for any reason, the submissive again rises to the Public Present position - gracefully and naturally, not looking hurried, clumsy, or "put upon" - and remains in that position until the Master issues another order unless her Master tells her to Stay before she rises.

Continuing in Service

The concept of "continuing" in service has been touched on already. Whenever the process of Presenting is not followed by a new order, the submissive is either told to continue what she was doing or was previously ordered to do, or else the submissive asks, "Sir, do You wish me to continue, Sir?" The submissive does not move from the Presenting  position (whatever that may be) until a new order or an order to continue is given.  Some Masters have a standing rule that once acknowledged, the concept of “continue” is to be understood and does not need to be articulated.

Standing.

A seated submissive normally stands and Presents whenever her Master enters or leaves the same room or space and remains standing as long as the Master does. If Presenting is waived by an immediate order to "sit," "stay," or "continue," the order applies only until that Master next enters. Exceptions may be made in cases of physical disability, and any Master may if He wishes forestall a submissive’s movement to stand by an immediate order or gesture to stay or sit.

COMMUNICATION 

Respect for all. A submissive addresses all persons with respect and courtesy. If an adult is neither a Master nor a submissive, he or she should be addressed as "Sir" or "Ma’am" (or "Miss" as appropriate) at least once in each conversation. This applies as much to salesclerks and deliverymen as to business executives and elderly aunts. It is not that a submissive is "beneath" everybody else, but that a submissive sees all persons as part of something greater than the individual.  

Speaking With A Master

Frequently, a submissive is required to use the word Sir at the beginning and end of each utterance directly spoken to her Master.  This can be changed to be the word Master, or any other honorific specified by her Master.  It  can also be changed that she must thank her Master once given permission to speak, “Thank you Master”  and then does not need to interject the honorific again in the conversation or utterance she has been given permission for.  (The following examples will assume that Sir is required, rather than give examples of each possible variation.)

A submissive normally does not speak to a Master unless spoken to or otherwise invited to speak, as by a nod, a word, a look, or other gesture. When she feels the need for a Master’s attention, she comes into the Master’s awareness and waits to be addressed. Exceptions, of course, are made for emergencies (fire, a life-threatening injury or illness, etc.)  but otherwise the following protocol for addressing a Master assumes that she  has already come into His awareness and has been invited or ordered to speak. 

The Master might also invite the submissive into conversation with a sign, a word, a look, or a nod that indicates the Master’s order to speak. In that case it is not necessary to ask permission before asking a question or making a comment, as long as the submissive frames her statements respectfully, does not interrupt the Master, and does not impose on the Master’s time or attention.

How to ask to perform a service:

There are two forms that are common in this area.  In the first, the submissive is not allowed to use the concept of self direction.  In this case, the proper form for questions regarding any possible action by a submissive is, "Sir, do You wish me to [description of action], Sir?"   It is immaterial if the word "wish" is replaced with "want," "desire," "intend," and so on, or whether the action is simple (like getting a drink), complex (like getting ready to go out to work), or a prelude to further conversation (asking if the Master wishes the submissive to tell Him something). What matters is that instead of the submissive expressing her own desire and asking the Master to approve or reject it, the submissive presents a possibility, without investing herself in it, and waits for the Master’s instruction.  In this manner, the submissive is considered to be living in obedience - which goes beyond just doing as you’re told; it means that you also want only what your Master wants.

In the second form, the submissive is expected to use self direction.  In this case the form for questions for a possible actions would be, “Sir, May I [description of action], Sir.  This can be anything from “get you a drink” to “prepare for work”  --- in essence the submissive is letting the Master know what the submissive would like to or need to do at the moment.  

In reality, both forms let the Master know what the submissive requires, it is simply a different mindset as to the approach of the situation.

Calls of nature

The normal form for questions pertaining to any use of the bathroom, taking prescribed medication, and other personal hygiene or grooming needs is, "Sir, do You wish me to take care of myself, Sir?"  or  “Sir, May I take care of myself  sir? “   

Both of these forms allow the submissive to make this request publicly as well as privately, without making it obvious that they are requesting permission to go to the bathroom.

How to make a response.

Master’s response to a submissive’s question is in effect an order, the standard response by the submissive to any instruction, acknowledgement, correction, explanation, or information conveyed by a Master is, "Sir, Thank You, Sir!" The same form is used whenever the  question was answered in the affirmative. If the answer is negative, she says, "Sir, no Sir! Thank you, Sir!"  Occasionally these forms may be varied by inserting "Master" or "my Master" ("Sir, yes, Master, Sir! Thank You, Sir!" or "Sir, yes, Sir! Thank You, my Master, Sir!"), but the basic form is invariant - Isn’t it great how much life can be simplified when almost everything calls for the same reply?

Extended questions or comments

If the submissive feels the need to ask an involved question or one that will require more than a yes/no response from the Master, she asks, "Sir, May I  ask a question, Sir?" If the submissive feels the need to make a comment, she asks, "Sir, may I make a comment, Sir?" In both cases, the submissive awaits the Master’s response, says, "Sir, yes, Sir! Thank You, Sir!" whether the response is affirmative or negative, and, finally, if the response was affirmative, asks her question or makes her comment .  

No arguments.

A submissive is never wrong to ask for clarification of orders given her or to offer to inform the Master of something that is troubling her - or something that is giving her joy! - but leading questions and argumentative expressions of opinion must be avoided. Masters and submissives may discuss any matter at all, at the Master’s discretion, but they do not debate!  

Apologies.

"Beg Your pardon, Sir" is how a submissive expresses regret for an accidental mishap. A submissive never says "Sorry" or "Excuse me," as these forms imply that the submissive acted of her own will instead of her Master’s.

Entering and Leaving a Master's Presence and Control

A submissive should never say  "Hello" or "Goodbye" to a Master. Such casual, familiar greetings and farewells are replaced by presenting, a disciplined, thoughtful process of entering or leaving the Master’s presence and control. When a submissive greets a Master, she is surrendering herself to the Master’s control. When a submissive takes leave of a Master, she is asking to have that control extended beyond the Master’s direct presence. These principles apply whenever the submissive enters or leaves any space or room occupied by a Master and whenever a Master enters or leaves any room or space occupied by the submissive - if under vanilla social conditions a "Hello” or “good bye" would be in order. The full ritual may be waived at the Master’s discretion if there is much coming and going in a short space of time, but a submissive should always expect and be prepared to Present when entering a Master’s space, or vice versa, and to ask to "continue" before leaving unless  she is carrying out a prior order.

Eating and Drinking

During regular mealtimes, a submissive does not prepare or serve food for herself until her Master has been served and she has been told to take care of herself. A submissive does not begin to eat until her Master  has begun eating. 

Outside of mealtimes, if a submissive feels the need for food or drink and her Master is present, the submissive always first asks the Master if He wishes anything. After receiving a negative response, or carrying out the order implied by a positive response, the submissive may ask for permission to get something to eat or drink for herself.

Walking in public

A submissive normally walks to the left and about one step behind a Master, and she keeps her hands crossed behind her back. A submissive only speaks in public after asking, "Master, Sir?" and being given permission, unless she is responding to her Master’s questions. 

While away from Master.

When a submissive must be away from the Master, as for an outside job, or if she lives at a distance, the Master will set appropriate ground rules. All activity other than what is required must be cleared in advance, and the Master must know at all times where the submissive is, what she is doing, what she will be eating or drinking, and where she is going. Normally, the submissive is allowed to use only work-related furniture, or restaurant/cafeteria seats during meals.  But necessary exceptions may be made so that at no time will the submissive draw unnecessary attention to herself or cause inconvenience to others by her disciplined behavior. 

NOTE:  The above protocol is considered to be “High Protocol” and is typically reserved for special occasions or specific training session, rather than every day.  There are typically three levels of protocol recognized, with Low being very similar to daily manners, with some modifications for D/s, Medium being somewhat more formal level of manners, but not quite as ridged as High.

Other situations: This discussion was also devoted to the more public aspects of a D/s relationship.  A Master may, and often will, develop a protocol for behavior which is geared for private times.  These protocols are also typically called rituals, such as ritual ways in which to serve a drink, and are discussed later.

Also, many are familiar with the Gorean traditions, based on the novels by John Norman.  For example, in this protocol, most females are slaves, most males are Masters.  All Masters are addressed as such by all slaves, regardless of who owns the slave.  The color of silk a slave wears determines the limits of how she will be treated.  The Gorean style of D/s is filled with elaborate rules for behavior - i.e. an established Protocol.  

If you are familiar with that protocol, but do not wish to follow it precisely, you can develop your own protocol for public behavior that will make use of those aspects of Gor that work for you, and those of other protocols that fit your lifestyle.  

So, now you know how to behave “properly” according to at least one set of protocols --- but what do you DO?