Novice Dom Advice-{unknown sourse}

There are as many ways to do D/S as there are people, so you really need to know what your partner wants, doesn't want, is comfortable with, is afraid of, and so forth. A lot of submissives will have great trouble telling you what they want. For some of them, this is because they don't really KNOW what they want. Or, perhaps, they know how they want to feel, but they aren't sure what it is that will make them feel that way. Other submissives do have at least some idea of what they want, but they're too embarrassed to be able to tell you directly. And some submissives know what they want but feel as if it spoils things if they have to ask for it -- they want the impetus for the scene to come from you, and if they ask for something, then it's as if _they're_ controlling the scene, when what they want is for _you_ to control it. And of course, more than one of these can occur at once. A person can know only what it is she wants to feel AND be too embarrassed to talk about it AND feel as if it gives her too much control over things if she tells you.

The sub who doesn't want to tell you anything because she thinks that means that she's controlling the scene or that she's forcing you into something you don't really want tends to be a somewhat harder case, but there are a few things you can try. You can tell her that you aren't promising to do any of the things that she asks for -- you're just asking because as the dom, you have the right to ask and know of limits and pleasures. You can tell her that you want the information to ensure both are getting and receiving pleasure from your scene -- "Making you be submissive in a way that's good for you is likely to be more fun for me than making you be submissive in a way that's bad for you, because the second way makes me work harder for less return. So give me what I need to know to get what I want."

Reminding that open and honest communication is a must, to avoid difficult situations and provide a safer ,saner and absolute consentual relationship.