PART 2:  SERVICE

Service: Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French, from Latin servitium condition of a slave, body of slaves, from servus slave   Date: 13th century

1 a : the occupation or function of serving.  b: the performance of a job or task that does not result in a tangible product.   Merriam-Webster.

What is D/s Service? The performance of tasks that provide assistance or help or pleasure to the Dominant in the relationship in a manner that is pleasing to the Dominant.  Within the D/s relationship, again, this is a widely varied concept.  The definition of  what is appropriate service is defined by the relationship itself.  

In a 24/7 relationship, the submissive may be required to perform domestic service - such as housekeeping, cooking, shopping, secretarial assistance, bookkeeping, chauffeuring, valet, laundry, etc.  Or May NOT.  Each relationship is defined by the individuals within the relationship.  In a less intense  (not 24/7)  relationship, the definition of service again, is determined by the people within the relationship.  Perhaps it is a long distance relationship, so instead of being able to perform tasks that directly assist the Master in everyday life, the submissive is required to do research or write letters or make toys, or some other task which the Dominant requires and supervises from a distance.  Or if a D/s couple can only get together one weekend a month, during that weekend the submissive assumes the role of a valet or hand maiden for the duration, as well as provide sexual services or other duties.

Unless the relationship is very superficial, a submissive has the strong desire to DO tangible actions to please her Master.  In the D/s relationship, submissive recognize their desire to make life easier for those they care for, and derive great satisfaction from having the opportunity to do so.  The Dominant, however, needs to provide a framework for the submissive to operate in.  The submissive must be told what areas the Dominant appreciates service, and in what manner the service should be performed.  By defining the service and the expectations for the performance of specific tasks and duties, the Dominant provides the submissive with tangible roles and expectations, establishing a secure framework from within which to work.

Regardless of your level, whether 24/7 or part time, Masters have different requirements for their submissives.  Have a thorough understanding with your Master as to how far you should “invade” his privacy.  Do you open his mail?  Can you look through his desk looking for papers?  Should you remind him of important dates, anniversaries. Or when bills are due?  Can you speak for him (as in - yes he is planning to attend) or do you refer all such questions to him.  Have a clear understanding of these limitations.  Do not assume anything.  This will help guide you in determining levels of service.

What follows are some ideas for domestic service.  This is offered as a tool, to give an idea of different ways that required service can be described and put down in writing.  After that is an example of a more generic description of what a Master may require of his submissive as far as everyday expectations and general duties.  Neither of these is “set in stone” but again, are simply meant as examples of ways that a Dominant can communicate to a submissive ways in which she can express her submissiveness in tangible, recognizable ways.

DOMESTIC SERVICE

This is merely an introduction to the concepts and means of providing refined service within a formal household.  It is recommended that for further instruction in this area, any of Emily Post’s  books, prior to 1960 be acquired.  Much of the following is from various Emily Post, Amy Vanderbilt, and other etiquette books… modified for D/s lifestyle.

Domestic service has traditionally been designed to have the servant be as invisible as possible, however in a D/s household, while the submissive is normally expected to be unobtrusive, invisibility is not desired.  Often, part of the enjoyment of the D/s lifestyle is the very fact that the submissive is obvious and by her very presence is noticed.

Sexual service, acting as a table or other piece of furniture, being the centerpiece of a dining table, an ashtray, or a host of other possibilities for “domestic” service in a D/s household are not covered here, but are mentioned simply to remind the reader not to be limited by what is discussed.

In every day service, such as fetching items for the Master or serving table, all objects are presented on an open palm or are carried or inserted as required by the Master. As with any rule, there may be exceptions. Extremely hot objects are allowed to have something placed underneath to protect skin.  Aprons can be worn while cooking.  Etc.

When offering anything from a standing position an abbreviated but distinct bow is in order.  Always bow from the waist with your back straight your hand extended. Alternately, you may be required to give a brief curtsey before and after presentation. Presentation from a kneeling position usually is accompanied by a dip of the head.

GUIDELINES FOR SERVING AT TABLE

Serving at table is one of the basic duties of the household submissive. Some simple guidelines will get you off to a quick but elegant start.   In most households,  table settings have given way to simpler and less complicated conventions.  A basic table setting should be set for the household, which the submissive will arrange for all meals.  Table settings for each meal (Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, Formal Meals, brunches) should be described in detail.  For Example:

Dinner Setting:  A dinner plate. Water glass. One or more wineglasses (if used) placed at the left and top of the dinner plate in order of use. Salad and dinner fork to the left, table knife and spoon to the right of the dinner plate. The napkin is placed on the dinner plate.   If coffee is served during the meal, the cup and saucer should be brought when the coffee is poured. Cream and sugar are offered from a tray at the same time.

American style of service is serve from the right, clear from the left. You NEVER reach across the person you are serving. As with all rules, there are always exceptions. If the person you wish to serve is engaged in conversation with the person next to them, serve or clear from the other side. If circumstances force you to come between the two who are in conversation, do so as politely as possible. 

Everyday meals are frequently served with all the food in place on the dining plate. If you are fill your master's plate in the kitchen and then present it at the table, stand next to him until he gives approval to serve, then place the filled plate directly in front of Him.

If you are presenting each portion separately, the dinner plate is already on the table. You offer each item and either return it to the kitchen or place it on a sideboard. You may also present everything on a large tray if that is so wished. Then stand unobtrusively in a place where you can observe the table to anticipate if additional beverages or food is required. 

When seating your Master and his guests, hold the chair by the sides and pull it back away from the table. Do not drag it! As the person stands in front of the table, gently touch it to the back of their leg as you set it down so they will know where the chair is and be able sit without fear of misjudging the placement.

Then remove the napkin from the plate by a corner and let it fall open at the side of the person. Then drape it, for gentlemen across one leg, for ladies across their lap. They will reposition as necessary. The more elaborate folding designs currently popular for napkins cause this to be made more difficult. Never shake it.  A well folded napkin of quality material will fall open and not require rough treatment.

The Master is seated at the head of the table.  On the opposite end, the person of highest rank or guest of honor. If this is a joint household, the other householder is seated to the left of the guest of honor. The person next in standing is seated to the right of the Master.    The seat the remaining guests in a manner which will provide for interesting conversation.

The meal is served by presenting each dish to the Master first; who does not take any food. He inspects the dish, and after approval, it is offered to the guest of honor. Service then continues clockwise. (In some cases, the Master is served first after approval, in which case the guest of honor is served next.) If there is more than one course, service order is reversed with each to assure that the same person does not always receive the last serving. If more than eight persons are at table, there should be at least two servers working simultaneously to assure that the food does not get cold while being presented. Service is reversed every other course.   Plates are cleared after everyone has finished eating, at which time dessert or coffee can be served.

Again - please note that this describes a formal dinner, using a fairly high standard of protocol.  It is not meant for everyday, but is offered to give a basis for developing household manner.  Also, it is worthwhile to actually use this protocol at times when there are no guests, simply to practice it and develop a level of comfort with it.

EVERYDAY EXPECTATIONS 

Personal Development and Etiquette

Your appearance is important.

This does not mean you have to be born beautiful, but it does mean you should look trim, well-dressed, neat, and clean.  A well-groomed person looks alert and wide-awake. 

a. Hair should be worn in a simple, uncomplicated style.
b. Clothes should be kept simple.  It is always better to be underdressed than over dressed.  Accessibility to your body is important.
c. Never take a chance that “just this once” it is ok to not appear appropriately.  Your master should never have to apologize for your appearance nor have to remind you of what is expected.
d. Jewelry should be kept simple and to a minimum.

Good grooming is essential to success, because without it you cannot have the poise and self-confidence you need to be able to focus on your submission.  

Follow the three “P’s”  -  Posture, Personality, and Poise
A. Posture. 
a. Through your posture, your command of your body, you  communicate an air of alertness, or the opposite. 
b. A slouchy posture indicates fatigue, lack of confidence, and lack of mental poise and a lack of interest in what you are doing. 
c. Hold your chest and head high.  Act like a thoroughbred, not a plow horse

B. Personality
a. The expression on your features determines how people see you.  Are you sullen or animated?  Bored or enthusiastic?  The way you present yourself is a reflection not only of you but of your master.  Make sure the personality you project is pleasant, respectful, and helpful.

C. Poise. 
a. Poise is knowing what to do and when to do it.  It is another name for intelligent, quiet confidence in yourself.  It is getting along with people without feeling superior or inferior.  It comes from knowing your abilities as well as your limitations.

A submissive should always carry herself with dignity, whether naked and in chains or out in the workaday world, and her appearance and behavior should always reflect positively on her Master .
Honesty.

Never lie to your Master.  Always answer all questions from your Master with complete honesty, and if you make a mistake, be the first to inform him.  Never be afraid to admit a mistake.  Your Master will appreciate your being able to admit an error and take the blame.  He will also have implicit faith in your word and will know that you can be trusted.   Trust and mutual respect are essential ingredients in a good D/s relationship.


Be organized.
Anything that your Master gives you to do, he may ask for at any time.  Do not have to hunt for things or scramble to locate something that you forgot where it was placed or filed.  If you have a multiple  tasks to perform, prepare a list, make sure that all tasks he has requested you to perform are on the list, and check them off as completed.  Do not destroy the list, but file it so that if he needs to know when you finished a particular project or step, you will be able to answer concisely.  

Keep a calendar of events for you and your Master with you at all times, and keep it up to date with what is of interest to him.  Clearly mark what, where, when, and how much is required for each event he is interested in attending.   

Always keep a note pad and pen or pencil handy.  Be prepared with business cards or other items your Master may wish to give to others.  

Listening

Learning to listen effectively is one of the most important communication skills you can develop.  Effective hearing is not the same as effective listening.  Effective hearing simply means the mechanical reality of actually hearing the message.   In effective listening, you receive the message, understand what it means, evaluate it’s intention and respond to it.  

Role in social meetings

Be aware of the reason and/or agenda for the meeting.  Keep your master informed of any changes (including time, date, place, or agenda)  

Be sure that the meeting place is acceptable for the planned event.  Is it large enough?  Smoking/non-smoking.  Lit well, any necessary equipment available?

If you are responsible for the agenda, be aware of who is supposed to do what, and when, and make sure all is working smoothly.

Take notes, showing what comments of importance were made.  

Maintain refreshments for your Master quietly and unobtrusively.  
Reviews
Schedule regular meetings with your Master to review your progress and behavior.  Take notes and find out what pleases him or what areas he believes need improvement.  


Rescues:

Develop a signal between you and your Master for those occasions when he needs you to provide an interruption so that he can politely break away from a conversation that he no longer wishes to be involved with.  


Keep a “Job” Manual

List all rules and standing orders.  
Describe His preference in dealing with others
What rules are in place when He is not present
What are his likes and dislikes?
List limits and areas indicated for future exploration…. Yours and His

Include a section for tasks assigned and status, including results.
Review this with Him on a regular basis.



Obedience and "correctness." 

A submissive will always act and respond in such a way as to make the Master’s orders look "right." A submissive will never give the appearance that she thinks a Master has made a mistake, whether by facial expression, body language, or verbal challenge. Masters are not perfect, but whatever They order is "right" because it is Their will. It is the Master’s will that the submissive submits to, not His correctness. If the submissive feels that she has information the Master is lacking, or sees a better possibility that He has not considered, the submissive ask whether the Master wishes her to convey such information or to make a suggestion.

Being open. 

A submissive exists without privacy or defenses. What she is, whatever she does, and even what she thinks and feels must be open for inspection by her Master at all times. 

Most of the information on the Daily Service section was developed using a variety of sources, mostly talking to people in the lifestyle and also looking at fictional accounts, such at the Market series, of typical roles for submissives.  One heavily used source was the Professional Secretaries Handbook, by Cook and Forti, 1984.  And my own experience as a legal secretary to a very demanding boss.